Bachelor Live Blog!

I haven’t watched any episodes of this season of The Bachelor but when I realized how batshit crazy it is after seeing only, like, thirty seconds, I decided I’d try out a live blog. I just knew shit was about to get wild. And wild it got.
(I’d already started by the time I realized the show was already in its second half since apparently it’s TWO HOURS LONG.)
Let’s do this.

9:10: Wow. Everything about this show got ten times weirder since I last saw it. Which was like seven years ago.
9:13: Are. You. Kidding. Me? A collage? This girl made a collage of words that describe how she feels about him. Why is one of the words “scotch”? Also, “Food and Wine?” You totally just cut out that magazine’s title. I bet she was like, “We totally enjoyed food and wine together.”
9:14 This guy has the hair every 14-year-old boy had my freshman year of high school.
9:23: Wait. They aren’t in the United States?
9:23: Ha. Love that the host just said “Y’all.” Chris Harrison. So casual.
9:24: So apparently, one girl has a boyfriend back home and they spoke with him and he said that they are still together. Chris Harrison of course had to take her outside to talk about it and of course all of the others women are just standing there watching this through the giant window. Um… they can see y’all. This house literally has glass walls.
9:24: If you wanna be on The Bachelor, then why wouldn’t you lie about being in love with your boyfriend back home? I think she doesn’t really care about being on the bachelor which is awesome.
This girl is great. Yeah… I guess I still love my boyfriend back home. I should prolly be with him, I guess.
9:30: Man, she is pulling off the lightwash denim romper, though. If you have skills like that you deserve better than this show. That thing would look like crap on 99% of the population.
9:32: She better leave the show on her own. Obviously the bachelor will kick her off now if she doesn’t.
9:33: If this show was really in it for the drama, they would’ve let him end up with her and then let the truth out right after he proposed.
9:34: Can the show just become about her reuniting with this Michael guy? Seems more interesting than these other chicks.
9:35: I hope all the other girls made those crazy faces not because they were shocked that she went home because of a secret boyfriend, but because they too are secretly in love with someone back home.
9:40: Ohhhh. This guy was on The Bachelorette that explains why he can have that hair and still get cast.
9:42: At least don’t part it exactly in the middle. Come on.
9:43: These people have too many feelings. And this is coming from someone with a lot of feelings. I think the problem is they just say the word “feelings” too much.
9:44: Whoa, this really confident girl is awesome. Confident Girl” “I’m worried about being kicked off.” Other girl: “Really?” Confident Girl: “No. Just kidding! Not at all!”
9:44 Oh no! That’s Courtney the model! That’s the one my friend (who watches this show religiously) warned me about! I was tricked too, bachelor! I was tricked too!
9:45: Oh god, what is this one about to do?
9:45: Apparently say “I have really big plans.” Then all of a sudden straddle him in the least smooth way ever and say “I was like, gonna… Make out with you.”
Ahhhh this is so awkward.
9:47: “Oh I’m just embarrassing myself.” “No you’re not.” Oh yes. Yes you are.
9:48: I think she literally hasn’t kissed someone before. “Okay. We’re gonna go mouth closed first… then we’re gonna go mouth open.”
9:48: Oh shit. He’s freaking out! “There’s, like, an instruction manual. I can’t do this!”
9:54: Percent chance that dresses are provided by Bebe: higher or lower than 50?
9:55: I hate roses. No. I don’t accept the rose. Where the peonies at?
9:56: Percent chance that he’ll end up with Courtney: higher or lower than 50? I’m calling it right now. Courtney is gonna win. They do refer to it as winning, right?
9:57 Oh. Weird straddling girl didn’t get a rose. Didn’t see that coming. Not.
9:57: “I’ve never met any guy like Ben.” Any guy that wasn’t from Dryden, New York?
9:57: Just realized his name is Ben.
9:58: That Bachelor girls’ faces tumblr is really getting some fodder tonight.
9:59: He’s a wine maker??? (Also, there’s gotta be another word for that. Which I don’t feel like looking up.)
9:59. The outro is this one girl rapping to Ben which, while embarrassing, was apparently less offensive than straddling and planning kissing. This show is so embarrassing that writing a rap for someone and then performing it is something that they just throw in during credits. Although, honestly, the rap is surprisingly good. But her flow is weak. And he clearly didn’t like it. Jerk.

Shoes

I finally found shoes like these! (urban outfitters)

And I'm not afraid to say it's because of this....



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Alexa Chung! dun dun dunnnnnnnn.

In other news that follows in list form:

1. Today at work I was assigned an article about oyster buyboats and decided to title it "Hello, Good Buyboats." I'm pretty proud of myself.

2. MY LEAKY WINDOWSILL SUCKS!!! STILL!!!!
a. i realized that it might be the reason for my messed up breathing lately. (allergic to mold)
b. do NOT rent from Metro Properties, Richmonders. I mean it!

3. I have a new project in the works! (Don't I sound like one of those bloggers that has a secret collaboration and they're just waitin' to let the news out and it sound super important and cool 'cause they call it "new project"? Well, this isn't really like that since it's an entrepenuerial [note to self: learn to spell that word] thing. But! I am excited!)

4. So You Think You Can Dance is really amazing. The only person I know who would agree with me is my aunt Linda. I mean, people are chacha-ing to Kedollarsignha right now, everyone is like awesome at dancing and its all inspirtationalandshit, and Kat Deeley's outfits are always on point. Just sayin'.

A Word On Last Night's Gossip Girl

1. Why were there so many Rolling Stones song references? Seriously. Every time "Gossip Girl" spoke it was the title of a Rolling Stones song. Her lines were basically, "Let's spend the night together since Serena's got sympathy for the devil under her thumb and is painting it black xoxo."

2. DAMIAN DELGAARD DEAR GOD GO AWAYYYYY!!!!*

3. Is anyone else super scared everytime there's a scene with Blair and Dan together that they're gonna just start kissing? I bet the writer's are totally saving it for the finale. Ughh. I don't want it!!!


*HE IS PLAYING CLYDE IN THE REMAKE OF BONNIE AND CLYDE! DAMIAN DELGAARD?!?!?!???

skins

Confession time!


I started watching Skins like a week ago because all of a sudden everyone was like "Watch Skins! Watch Skins!" So I did. And now I'm sooooo into it and almost done with the second season, or should I say, "series" (crazy British people!). And its really awesome, but fucking weird, but really awesome. I think I've started cussing more because of it and wanting to say things like "bloody hell." Today I muttered "bloody hell" under my breath when I couldn't find a chart at work. I need to cut that out, its embarrassing.


My favorite character is Cassie, primarily because she can say the line "Oh. Wow. Totally. Wow. Totally. Cool. Wow." without it sounding like bad writing. How can that be said without sounding like bad writing?! Just looking at it it looks like there's no way it couldn't sound like bad writing, but she says basically that same line over and over again and it sounds right. Also, Cassie makes me wanna have buck teeth. The other day at the dentist, the dentist said something vague to the dental hygenist about me having an overbite.* Cha-ching!


*Peep the weird ass formation of that sentence: "the dentist, the dentist." We refer to the place of the dentist, the person who is a tooth professional, and the person himself as the dentist. The dentist is a place ("I went to the dentist"). The dentist is a person ("The dentist is nice.") Holy hell, now "dentist" looks weird because I've typed it so many times. Can anyone else tell I went back to school this week and am really only taking writing classes?? Speaking of which, I got an assignment from fiction class to write a one page story that involves a chicken, a car crash, and a Diana Ross song (too bad her name isn't Ciana Coss 'cause I liked the alliteration going on there). First of all: best assignment ever! Second of all: mine involves a Chinese restuarant. Oooooooh.

One in the Same

So I went to see Eclipse at the Byrd last night and it really struck me how much the tall evil vampire guy looks like Roger. Look at his (the vampire's) outfit. bahahah Seriously?
Shut the front door.

I couldn't find better pictures. But am I right or am I right?

This post

This post goes out to Bert Cooper.

My favorite Mad Men character as well as my favorite fictional executive who's "really into Asian shit." (Take that Rob Lowe's character in Thank You For Smoking!)

Can't Wait! Can't Wait! Can't Wait!!!!

Freud says: Why are all your posts about '90s memorabilia?

Today at work I turned on the lobby tv

and made everyone watch a Saved by the Bell marathon!

Penne with only olive oil, parmesan, a little bit of garlic, and red salt (that's right. red. salt.) is the best! How did I not make moreeeeee!?!????!!!!

I just applied to be both a wardrobe production assistant and to be in a play from listings I found online. I think this might be a weird effect of me starting school today.

This local news anchor has the best twitter ever!!!! (Of the two I've ever seen, but the other is Kanye West so, really, that's saying quite a lot.) < 3 Gene Cox

"You go Glen Coco!"

It is a sad day because although I had no doubt that they were the same person, I decided to look it up just to check that I was right.

I was wrong.

Paul Kinsey from Mad Men is not the same actor as Damian aka the guy that says "You go Glen Coco!" in Mean Girls. Unbelievable and unbelievably upsetting. I loved so much that they were the same.

:(

The Hills

The Hills series finale was-- actually I don't know when it was, but it was recently and I watched it yesterday online. Yes, I watched The Hills online. Sometimes you're in your pajamas until 6 in the evening when you go out for $2 wine happy hour and you just have to have something to fill your day. Ahem. Well, the episode was tres dramatique (even though NOTHING happens) as per usual and it ended with Brody Jenner saying goodbye to Kristen as she "drove off" to the "airport" for "Europe." Why the sarcastic quote marks you ask? Because as Brody is watching her drive into the distance he has the backdrop of Hollywood, sign included, behind him and then! the scene is revealed to be a literal backdrop that is pulled away and he and Kristen are both on a soundstage. The classic zoom-back shot is done and instead of seeing the city like usual, its just a shot of the soundstage.

What kind of crazy self-referencial shit is this? Well, it's awesome! I've never been so proud of reality television writers. That was kind of a dick move if you think about how there are actually people that think The Hills is real. It was sort of like, "Hey viewers! No, not you guys that know what's up. The other viewers. Yeah. Um... that was all fake for the past six(?) years. Bye!" Without even going back on it a little bit by having a real zoom out shot of the city. Ballsy. I like.


Ps. What happened to Heidi and Spencer. They just straight up stopped being on the show all together...

Moon River

Can I just wear this outfit all the time?

I really like the length of them jeans. And I really like the grey crew neck sweatshirt (duh). And recently I've had a weird propensity towards tying things around my head. Usually a hot pink bandana or a piece of red and white gigham cloth. I sorta look like Aunt Jemima.

Also, I just decided to watch Mad Men because I'd never seen it and I'm already pretty into it after one episode. It's sorta like a more mature Gossip Girl in how I really wanna watch it for the clothes and also it has storylines that make you go "Oh snap!" or gasp even though your watching it alone in your bed on your computer.